Every Fall I have an appointment with someone at a psychiatrist’s office. The appointment is virtual these days, pretty brief, and mostly just a nice chat. She asks how I am doing. “Would I like to start on any medications?”
I do this annual appointment to stay in the queue at the psychiatrist office in case I have another round of severe depression. It’s very hard to get in as a new patient, and this keeps the door open if I need to walk through.
Why write about this in the newsletter? For one thing, I would have trouble addressing my history with depression in a talk. Some of you know of my tendency to start crying during a talk and trying to describe my darkest days would probably bring copious tears.
I bring the topic up because I have talked with people at IMFW and in other Buddhist communities who have struggles with depression and other mental health issues. There are famous Buddhist teachers who have been open about struggles with depression and anxiety.
Sometimes we think meditation, or the broader Buddhist path, would take care of our mental health struggles. This might be true for some people some of the time. Definitely not true for others. I had been practicing for decades when the bottom fell out and the fall was into deep, deep confusion and darkness. Suicidal thoughts were constant. I couldn’t even locate my mind to calm it with meditation. With medication, counseling, and the support of friends and family, I came through. But it took time. Things got better and there was a point I could return to practice and I am sure that my practice helped in the long term healing and is a major reason I have not gone down into that abyss again. Along with my practice, regular exercise, getting sunlight, the right amount of sleep, and connecting with others are all important things that can keep my mental health in a workable range.
Still, I keep that appointment every year. We talk in the Fall just to see how I’m doing heading into the dark months because those long days of cold and little light can be hard on the mind.
We are going into those months together. All I want to say here is take care of yourself in whatever way works. Once I was at a retreat (not at IMFW) and the teacher was instructing a person to get off their meds. Right there in a group session, the advice was being doled out. I was livid, but said nothing. I should have spoken up. We need to care for ourselves and each other in a variety of ways and if medication is appropriate for a person, they should never be advised to stop to pursue some “pure” form of practice.
Be well my friends. Take care of yourself. Help take care of others. Let’s be there for each other.
This article originally ran in the November 2022 newsletter.
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